Fed is best. Your babies full belly is best. Your mental health mattering is also best.
Hi !
I’m a first time mama, I planned to breast feed my son since the day I found out that I was pregnant, we are an exclusively formula feeding family now but I wanted to share my breastfeeding journey.
I bought a double pump, a manual pump, nipple cream, boppy pillows and anything else I thought I might need to buy to assist me on my breastfeeding journey.
Fast forward to my third trimester.
My son came 8 weeks before his due date. I thought I still had weeks if not a couple months to prepare.
I hadn’t learned a thing about breast feeding. What’s colostrum? What size flanges do I need? Why is this taking such an emotional toll on my body? Why didn’t I just read that stupid handout from my OB? Do I really want to do this?
My son was wheeled away to NICU within seconds of being born and the one thing I knew about breast feeding, having your baby laid upon your chest to root and suckle for the first time.
This never happened.
I was asked if I wanted to breast feed or formula feed; I expressed my interest to breastfeed, and they wheeled me down a pump to use, with little instruction on how to use it, and that’s where my breast feeding journey began.
I was so lost.
My baby was too small for a long time to try to root at the breast so…
I pumped for hours to get a little bit of colostrum for my baby at first.
I signed up for my baby to recieve donor breast milk until my own milk came in but he only needed it for half a day.
So attached to a pump I stayed for almost 7 weeks.
But i was falling apart.
My milk supply dropped drastically around week 4. I could hold my baby for one hour a day at this point, as he had to be in his isolette for a lot of his first month in NICU.
We started to introduce formula to supplement what I couldnt produce.
I fed my baby on solely my milk for one whole month and I was so proud of this.
Once my son could start to try to breast feed on his own I felt a little better but my supply wasnt getting any better and we were still supplementing with formula. The doctors tried to prescribe me donperidone and wanted me taking all these supplements to up my supply.
I finally expressed that maybe I wanted to quit breast feeding because it was affecting my life in more negative ways then positive.
My own family doctor told me ” If you have boobs, you can breast feed,” , ” you just need to hold your baby more, all day.”
NICU doctors told me to try “just a little longer”, everyday.
I felt more lost. Where was my support.
My doctor didnt understand that in NICU , it isnt up to mama or dad when they can hold their baby in most cases. He didnt care to understand.
I eventually realized that nobody elses opinions mattered at that point;just my families and I expressed to a few nurses that I was ready to quit breastfeeding and some were very supportive, some werent.
So I did what was best for me , and in result it was what was best for my family. I stopped breastfeeding at 7 weeks, a little before my baby came home.
I didnt feel fully supported during my breastfeeding journey and I dont feel fully supported with formula feeding. I still feel guilt alot about “giving up” on breast feeding. I still get asked, ” you’re still breast feeding, right?”
Fed is best in my books. A happy mama is a happy baby. And I support you no matter how you feed your baby.
We all need a little support.
If you stayed around reading this long to the end , I thank you! Have you ever felt lost in your feeding experience ? Did you feel a pressure to breast feed? A lack of support to formula feed? Let me know in the comments❤
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@themaritimesnewmama
Maritime Mama 